This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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