This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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