I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
