Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
