I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
