there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I want a musical about memes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
