It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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