I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
