Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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