You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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