Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
