coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
