Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
