Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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