I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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