I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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