Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
