the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
