She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
