Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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