She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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