Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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