when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
