Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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