I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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