piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
