On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
