Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
