Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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