I hate your face
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
