Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
