idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
