just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this boner is exhausting
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
