So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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