I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
