I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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