Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
