my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
