first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
