haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
