Betty ford says i'm here all night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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