Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
