my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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