dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
