Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
