Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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