Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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