So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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