Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
