i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
