I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
