Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
