So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
