I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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