I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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