Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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