They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
