We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There's always time for handjobs
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
