I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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