today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
