This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
