I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
