Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize