Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
