No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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