hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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