new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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