All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
