i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
