are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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