I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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