You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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