She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
