I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
